If Kris Allen was ever going to make it in the music business, he had to win Idol.  So while I’m a little sad my boy Adam Lambert didn’t take home the crown, I think his future in music is secure.  I think the power of the conservative vote is obvious.  Danny fans obviously shifted to Kris.  If this finale was between Kris and Danny, me and other Idol fanatics agree, Danny probably would have won.  Either way, by the time Ryan Seacrest finally got around to crowning Kris Allen the American Idol, the victory seemed anti-climatic after two hours of insane live music performances.  So in my final Idol post of the season, I’m going to break down last night for you.

White Outfits

First of all, what was with all the white outfits?  It was weird.  Idol got off to a bad start when Adam and Kris’s mics weren’t on at the start of the show. Then the Top 13 comes out singing Pink’s So What?  I hate those big group numbers.  They are awkward, you don’t get to hear anyone’s voice, and having Scott in the mix makes them even more complicated.

David Cook

Next up was David Cook with his new single Permanent.  I actually thought it was a good song, but I didn’t rush to iTunes to buy it and donate to cancer – I bet a lot of people did though.

Award #1 – Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle

Thank God they brought back Nick Mitchell for one last performance.  I loved this kid.  And I loved it when he acted unprepared, then ripped off his clothes and started singing Jennifer Hudson’s Your Gonna Love Me. 

Queen Latifah & Lil Rounds

Whoa!  Where the hell was that performance all season Lil?  If you had sang like that, I doubt you’d have gotten the boot.  That song Cue the Rain was killer…and I even heard a little Fleetwood Mac in there.  Loved it.  This was my favorite performance up to this point.  What the hell was Queen Latifah wearing.  Big girls should not wear that much spandex.

Jason Mraz, Anoop, Alexis Grace & Top 13

Anoop and Alexis Grace started off singing I’m Yours, and we’re joined by Jason Mraz.  Then the threesome was joined by the Top 13.  This was the one time I loved the group performance – and the point in the show where I realized what an Idol love fest the night was going to be. 

Keith Urban & Kris Allen

Wow!  It just keeps getting better. The duo sang Kiss a Girl with their guitars.  I thought they were great together.  I love that Idol paired so many stars with the contestants. This part made me sure that Kris is going to be a huge star.

Fergie & the Girls…and Black Eyed Peas

The female Idol contestants intro Fergie by singing Glamorous, then Fergie hits the stage for Big Girls Don’t Cry.  Then in possibly one of the coolest performances of the night, Fergie is joined by the Black Eyed Peas to sing their #1 hit Boom Boom Pow.  It was awesome with their funky outfits and back up dancers.  Fergie looked ridiculously awesome as always….and then…Idol loses the feed!  What is up with that?  Or did Fergie swear?  Either way, they totally interrupted my groove.

Award #2 – Bikini Girl

I’m a little annoyed that they let the swimsuit slut back on stage – but I thought it was hilarious when Seacrest ripped her new boobs.  That bitch cannot sing, but I’m sure she’ll end up in Playboy.  Then in probably my favorite moment of the night, while Bikini Girl is struggling to sing Mariah Carey’s Vision of Love, Idol judge Kara Dioguardi completely busts this girl out with Kara’s kick ass version of the song.  Kara even flashed the audience with her bikini at the end of the song.  After writing that terrible Idol finale song, I thought Kara completely redeemed herself with that performance.

Cyndi Lauper & Allison Iraheta

This was amazing too!  The two sang Time After Time, and it was so freaking cool to hear their voices together.  I loved this performance – but Cyndi really needed to close her legs.

Danny & Lionel Richie

Danny starts of singing Hello, then Lionel comes out and joins him singing two songs including All Night Long.  Seems like they could have kept this to just two songs.

Adam Lambert & KISS

This was crazy, awesome and disturbing all at the same time. I think the best part was the insane amount of pyrotechnics.  The stage practically blew up.  But someone should tell KISS they’re old – those jumpsuits show a lot of skin that maybe doesn’t need showing anymore.  The whole time they were on stage, all I could picture was Paul Rudd and Stiffler in the movie Role Models.

Carlos Santana & Matt Giraud

Carlos got a solo guitar performance before Matt Giraud came out singing Black Magic Woman.  Then they sang Smooth with the Top 13.  This show had something for absolutely everyone.

Ford

Adam and Kris got new cars.  Finally, the stupid Ford ads are over!

Steve Martin, Michael Sarver and Megan Joy

This was by far my least favorite (and the worst) performance of the night. It was random as hell. Who knew (and who cares) that Steve Martin plays the banjo?

Rod Stewart & the Boys

First the male Idol contestants start of singing If You Think I’m Sexy, then Rod kicks them off stage so he can sing the classic Maggie May alone.

Award #3 – Tatiyana

This was so fake. She sang 30 seconds of Saving All My Love, then they cut her off. Thank God. I hated her.

Queen, Adam Lambert & Kris Allen

FINALLY!!! Adam Lambert sings a Queen song.  I loved that they had these guys sing together because they were both so awesome.  My gut tells me that Idol had Queen ready to perform with Adam then they realized that Kris was going to win, so they had the two sing We Are the Champions together with everyone on stage.  It was very cool.

Kris Is Crowned Idol

He wins, and has to sing that piece crap song No Boundries one more time.  Ugh.  Finally, Kris Allen’s wife makes it on stage, and all I can think is that their marriage is doomed.  He’s going to be too big of a star to keep that thing together.  They’re only 23!  Oh well, they only had a 50-50 shot anyway.

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